sexEdvice

_{Unpublished post, originally written 11/22/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.}

What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Would you choose to end the pregnancy with an abortion? Would you consider having the baby and being a parent? Or would you think about adoption?

Back when it wasn’t considered socially acceptable for a teen to be a mother, and before abortion was legal, adoption was often the only option for pregnant teens. Luckily, modern women have more choices. But even with additional options, adoption shouldn’t be discounted. In a lot of cases, it really still is the best choice for a girl experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.

One of the reasons some girls are wary of adoption is that they have an old fashioned idea about what the process is like. But things have changed and gone are the days when a woman who was doing an adoption didn’t even get to hold her baby in the hospital before it was whisked away, never to be seen again.

Today more and more women choose to do what are called open adoptions. Though there is no rule book for how they will be done, there are usually some common elements. For example, in an open adoption, a girl can usually help choose the adoptive parents and meet them before making a decision. And prior to the adoption going through, the birth mother and the adoptive parents may choose to draw up a plan for the future. This can include agreements to:

• Have the adoptive parents send the birth mother regular updates and pictures of the child.

• Allow the child to meet the birth mother, (often when he or she is 18, and sometimes before).
• Keep each others’ contact information current.

If you do choose to do an open adoption, there are some good organizations that can help you. Two good ones are the Oregon based, Open Adoption & Family Services and the New York based, Friends in Adoption.

Does anyone out there have an experience with open adoption that they’d like to share? If so, let us know about it in the comments!

_{Unpublished post, originally written 12/28/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.}

A few years back I was answering anonymous questions for the website teenwire.com. A 13-year-old girl wrote in. Her father had raped her. She was pregnant and writing to find out what to do because she didn’t want to tell her mother what had happened. It’s been years since I first read that letter, but it has stayed with me.

Partly, that’s because incest, sex between family members, is one of the most disturbing crimes. It is also something that is taboo in almost all cultures and religions.

Of course, incest is not only taboo. It is also a crime.

How does this break down? Here are a few examples: it is illegal for adults like parents, stepparents, grandparents, or aunts an uncles to have sex with a child or teen. It is also against the law for siblings to have sex. And while in some cultures it is common for first cousins to marry, that’s forbidden in 27 American states.

Incest is a really complicated crime. Victims are often ashamed and fearful. Many are afraid of what revealing the abuse could do to their families, and some feel the need to protect the perpetrator. Often, girls worry that they won’t be believed. As a result is hard to find precise numbers on incest, but it is estimated that anywhere between two and eleven percent of rape victims are assaulted by a family member.

Incest is one of the hardest things for a victim to talk about. But there is help. A good place to start is the Rape, Incest and Abuse National Network. They can be reached online or at 1.800.656.HOPE.

_{Unpublished post, originally written 11/03/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.}

Ever thought about whether or not there should be girls’ sports offered at school? Or if you should be able to walk down the halls at school free from sexual harassment? Or even if you should be allowed to attend school at all if you are pregnant or a teen mom? If you haven’t had to think about those things you can thank something called Title IX.

Tile IX is a law that passed in 1972. It requires gender equality for boys and girls in any educational program that receives money from the federal government.

It can be hard to imagine life before Title IX. But 36 years ago, things were pretty different. For example, before Title IX:

• It was perfectly legal to spend all of a school’s money on boys’ sports without putting a penny into girls’ programs.
• Sexual harassment at school was not a crime.
• Schools were actually allowed to kick a girl out for getting pregnant or having a baby.

As the New York Times reports:

“Pregnant girls were put on “medical suspension” until after their babies were born, then banned from returning to their original high schools afterward. Hundreds of other girls were sent, often under threat of court order, to shelters, where the old Board of Education maintained special schools.”

It’s not like Title IX completely eliminated sexism. In a world where, up to 80% of high school girls still report being victims of sexual harassment, female athletes can hope for only a fraction of the college scholarship money that male athlete qualify for, and women still only earn 2/3 of what men do, we can’t pretend that the fight for equality is over.

However, when we think back to how life was for girls before Title IX, we sure can see some of the powerful changes that have been made!

Do you feel like girls and boys are treated equally at your school? If not where do you see the inequality?

_{Unpublished post, originally written 10/13/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.}

I have to say, spermicide seems like a really good idea. Just squirt some goop into your vagina and expect to be protected from pregnancy and infections.

Unfortunately like many good ideas, this one still needs some tweaking.

It’s not that spermicide is pointless. Using it is far better than not using anything. But it is actually one of the least effective methods of modern birth control around.  Plus, spermicide does nothing to prevent STDs. (Only microbicides can do that, and well, that technology is lagging even further behind).

According to Family Health International, with typical use, a woman has a 26% chance of becoming pregnant if she only uses spermicide as birth control over the course of a year.

That’s way worse than the pill, which with average use, only gives a woman a 5% chance of pregnancy. It’s also worse than condoms which offer between 85% and 99% protection from pregnancy.

But what exactly is spermicide? Basically, a spermicide is a gel, cream, foam or film that can be inserted into the vagina or applied to a condom. It is made of a detergent that is supposed to kill sperm. The problem is, millions of sperm are released every time a man ejaculates, and spermicide won’t kill them all.

Some people get allergic reactions from spermicide. In that case, you probably don’t want to use it at all.  Otherwise, it is generally okay to use with another form of birth control. But use spermicicde alone, and pregnancy is a very real possibility.

Have you ever used spermicide? How did that work out?

_{Unpublished post, originally written 10/18/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.}

When I was in college, I became friends with a girl named Jeanie. After we’d been hanging out for a while Jeanie confided in me that she had a bad problem with facial hair and acne. She tried to deal with both, but was always worried that people noticed.

Despite being really uncomfortable with the situation, it didn’t occur to Jeanie that there could actually be a reason for it.

In fact, it turned out there was.  At the end of the year, Jeanie went to the gyno for a pap smear and mentioned she had irregular periods.  The gyno ordered some tests and pretty soon it became apparent that a lot of Jeanie’s issues were actually due to something called polycystic ovarian syndrome (aka PCOS).

PCOS is a condition where a woman’s ovaries develops numerous cysts.  According to the Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Support Network, symptoms of the condition include:

• Irregular or absent periods
• Numerous cysts on the ovaries in many, but not all, cases
• High blood pressure
• Acne
• Elevated insulin levels, Insulin Resistance, or Diabetes
• Infertility
• Excess hair on the face and body
• Thinning of the scalp hair
• Weight Problems or obesity that is centered around your mid section

Sounds pretty rough right? Luckily there are treatments for PCOS. These might be as simple as putting a woman on the pill, or they might be more complicated and involved a combination of approaches.

After meeting Jeanie, I learned that two other friends of mine had been dealing with PCOS for a few years.  But because they were embarrassed by the symptoms they hadn’t said anything. These days all three have the condition under control. Yet as they and many other women learned the first step towards treatment is diagnosis.

_{Unpublished post, originally written 8/24/08 for my now defunct state of sex education blog on gURL.}

When I was a kid, my family spent one summer in Germany visiting relatives. I remember going to castles and museums and eating bratwurst.  But what really made an impression was something I saw on the beach. After swimming, my female relatives would immediately change into a new bathing suit.

I was used to sitting around in the same wet suit all day, so I asked my mom what was up.  "Oh it’s just a German custom." she said.

When I got older I wondered if it was actually concern about yeast infections that sparked the suit changes.

Yeast infections happen when there is an overgrowth of yeast in the vagina. Thought the vagina always has some yeast in it, when there is more than normal, it can cause itching, redness and thick, odorless discharge.

Yeast digs a warm wet climate, so one great way to create an inviting home for it is, you guessed it, hanging out in your wet suit all day.

It seems my relatives were on to something.

Of course, it isn’t only wet suits that can trigger yeast. Here are some other contributing factors:

• Antibiotics
• The birth control pill
• Pregnancy
• A weakened immune system
• Just being naturally susceptible

But even if you get pregnant, take antibiotics, or are on the pill, extra yeast is not a given. As explained in the gURL fast fact on yeast:

"To reduce your changes of getting an infection: dry off quickly and thoroughly with a clean, dry towel after showering or swimming. Try wearing 100% cotton underwear–it lets your body breathe. You can also change your underwear every day and after exercising, and avoid wearing tight underwear, thongs, or pantyhose. It’s also a good idea to wear loose-fitting clothes to bed."

It’s also important to always wipe from front to back after a bowel movement and to avoid perfumed bath products.

A yeast infection is not the same as an STD. And while sex can trigger yeast infections for some girls, plenty of girls and women get one even if they’ve never had sex!

If you think you have a yeast infection it’s a good idea to see a doctor. Even though you can buy yeast infection medication over the counter, what you think might be yeast, could actually be something a lot more serious.